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I couldn't get my purple shorts on. That was an astounding discovery to make only halfway through our Hawaiian vacation. I tried them on before we left home and they fit. It's not so much that I couldn't get them on exactly as I could not fasten them. There is one sure cure for that. Fewer desserts. More salads.

Besides, some of the desserts are not worth all of the calories. When a server asked me how I liked the apple pie concoction, I told her the truth: You know those apple pies they sell at McDonald's? The kind that are deep-fried, devoid of nutritional value, little fat bombs served in a sleeve? She nodded yes, and a smile spread across her face.

Well, this apple pie was worse than that!

Call me cynical, but I imagine that was a mistake. Because now she'll go running to her boss and proudly announce that they need to make apple pies like those served at McDonald's.

Rather than gripe about fattening desserts that disappoint, I decided it made sense to take up an activity. To learn a new sport. You're never too old to learn something new. In fact, yesterday marked the 6-month countdown to age 60 for me. Paddleboarding looked like a lot of fun. The stand-up padde surfing kind of paddleboading. We signed up for lessons.

First, carrying the board to the beach required a bit of maneuvering. Oooo, look at me carting along this surfboard with one hand like an old pro -- do, do, do, do -- until oopsie daisy, a smidgen of wind caused me to go sideways. I almost bashed a 4-year-old in the head. Man, people were everywhere on the beach. Trying not to smack one of 'em with a board was really difficult.

Once I got it to the shoreline and dropped it on the water, I leaped on it. Grabbed my pole and started to paddle. Except I didn't go anywhere. Didn't move an inch. That's because my rudder was sunk in the sand. After I got moving, I got stuck on the rocks. Pace was paramount, my instructor said, keep paddling before standing up. With my ankle strapped to the board, I struggled to stand. My knees wobbled. My feet felt unsteady -- I heard my instructor yelling: bend your knees.

I plopped back down on the board and paddled my way out of the beach toward the open water. Too many people. Well, I did runover one person who, unfortunately, had a broken leg, so it was like running over 2 people. Of all the snorkelers, I had to pick the one with the broken leg. She was pretty grumpy about it, too.

I tried to stand up again. It was a struggle. I sat down again. Screw this. I was feeling the wave of failure come over me. It was frustrating. Maybe this was one of those things that I just cannot do. Like water ski. I gave up trying to water ski when the skis came off, slapped my legs and bruised me up pretty badly in my teenage years.

Then, I don't know what happened exactly. It was a beautiful day, in the low 80s, high 70s, with relatively calm aqua waters and little wind. Stand-up paddleboarding was a sport I really wanted to learn. North Kona, Hawaii, is the perfect place to do it. Why was I giving in so easily and about to call it quits? I am not a person who is easily defeated, least of all by myself. After all, I am a Sacramento short sale agent -- I triumph over some of the most difficult real estate transactions on the face of the Earth.  I can do anything I set my mind to do.

To my astonishment, I stood up, paddled and voila! Found my center of gravity. It arrived out of nowhere, just as I was about to give up. It really is true that each failed attempt puts me one step close to success. Soon, I was buzzing all over the ocean, riding over small waves, moving in unison with the board. I wouldn't say I went so far as to dance, but I put on a presentable performance. For my husband, anyway. Who was back on shore, sitting in the surf with his board. Stand-up paddleboarding was evidently not for him.

I like this sport so much that I might have to buy a rack for my roadster. I don't think a paddleboard will easily fit in the front seat, even with the top down. Stand-up paddleboarding is really a lot of fun!

The moral of this story is if there is something you want to do, go do it. Don't let failure set you back. Maybe that short sale negotiator rejected your short sale. Don't put your tail between your legs and go home. Try again. Analyze what went wrong and fix it. Resubmit. Because your second time or third time could be a charm.

I just closed a short sale yesterday for a seller whose previous short sale fell apart. It fell apart because there was no permit for the family room and the FHA-approved lender would not approve the buyer's loan. We tried for a long time to find an all-cash buyer until a VA buyer came along. We got the property preapproved by the underwriter prior to offer acceptance, and this transaction closed.

Oh, and one more thing: if you're gonna eat a dessert, make sure it is worth the extra calories.

Photo: Elizabeth Weintraub

I have solved several online woes this week. Because my life is basically online these days, what I do online has a great effect on me. But there are people who dismiss the online world in its entirety. Who did I read yesterday who said the internet was nothing but air? Oh, yeah, Ray Bradbury. Did you know he is still alive? Yup, another who is not dead yet. At age 91, Bradbury is allowing Fahrenheit 451 to go digital. There is something satisfying in that, which is also deeply disturbing.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Ray Bradbury. He taught me much as I was growing up. He taught me that if you step off the path when you go back in time and ignore those warning signs to stay on the path, you can change the future. If you step on a butterfly, you could remove all color from the world. OK, that's a bit far fetched, but you get my point. What we do in our path of life affects our future. Actions have repercussions, and before you do something, it's generally a good idea to think ahead about how that action will affect you and those around you.

It's thinking ahead as a Sacramento short sale agent that helps me tremendously in my business. I think about what can go wrong and how I can prevent those problems in the first place. I can't remove all risk but I can certainly move a transaction in the right direction. That direction is toward short sale approval.

In fact, I've been so busy lately that I had totally spaced out the fact I had bought a mousearm online. Not only did I buy a mousearm, but I paid for 2-day shipping via FedX. That was about 3 weeks ago, I realized the other day. I contacted the company and received no response. The next day, I called and left a voice mail, followed up with another email. I started thinking about the hassle that would be involved with contesting the charge on my credit card when all of a sudden I received an email to say my mousearm had shipped and they were refunding my FedX fees.

Victory.

I also got a refund for my Norton 360 on another computer that my husband had already ordered. When I set up the automatic payment, I did not realize that he buys a 3-computer license. Norton was easy to deal with. Google is not. I subscribed to Postini two years ago through Google, and I could not cancel it. I could not cancel it because I could not remember my administration password. If you lose that, you're hosed. It's not easy to contact Google. I tried. I had other people try. Nobody could penetrate the Google shield and actually talk to a real live person.

Now I know why it's a good idea that your credit card eventually expires.

You used to be able to call people. Why, you could pick up the phone and call Macy's, any department, and speak to a person, just as soon as that party line was open. You wanna know if they carry your size and color in nylons, somebody would go look on the shelf and tell you. But those days are long gone. You can't talk to people anymore. Except for a real estate agent. You can call me and ask about a Sacramento short sale, and reach a real person who knows what she is talking about. Think about that when you're reading Fahrenheit 451 on your Kindle.

 

This is how we've finally solved the cat tree problem at our home in Land Park. The problem is we've had multiple cat trees but only spots for 2 cats to sit, and we have 3 cats. We have a cinnammon-spotted ocicat named Pia. She is the cat on the bottom rung, but she rules the house.

On the second rung, I present Jackson, the flamepoint ragdoll, who is always looking for trouble because he's barely a year old. Trouble is Jackson's middle name.

On the top rung is Pica, a marbled silver chocolate ocicat. He came to live with us because breeders can't show marbled ocicats. They can only show those cats with spots. Pia, on the other hand, was a breeding cat who retired at 18 months and was looking for a good home.

We went to the movies at Arden Fair last weekend to see Hugo and stopped by Petco to pick up the crazy chicken for Pia. She loves those PureBites chicken treats. We spotted this cat tree and bought it on the spot. I've been looking for a 3-tiered cat tree for years.

See, I knew there was a reason we jumped out of the long line at the Tower Theatre. We had originally gone to the Tower to see George Clooney, but the line was out to the street. Some of the people didn't even know why they were there -- I asked a woman which movie she came to see and she told me The Defenders. It was the The Descendents. So, we'll have to go see that movie some other time.

I read something online the other day that said the way to avoid negative crap in an agent's life is to stop reading the newspaper. The article went on to say that newspapers only report bad news to sell newspapers. It went so far as to repeat, and offered up as proof: "If it bleeds, it leads." Which was never said about newspapers in the first place -- that phrase is in reference to television news.

Are people really this naive?

Newspapers report the news. That's what a newspaper journalist does. A journalist is fair and objective. and does not take sides. There is no "point" to make. The days of hawking newspapers on the street are pretty much over, except for maybe rush hour traffic in Chicago. Most people these days subscribe to the newspaper, so publishers aren't going to sell more newspapers because of a headline.

This is what we need in this country, more people who don't read the news. Because if you're a real estate agent talking to clients, you can bet your clients are reading the news. If you want to come across an uninformed or ignorant, why, you can get all of your news from FOX-TV. Yeah, that's the ticket.

I've got news for ya. The way to avoid negative crap in your life is to step over it or go around it.

 

When I was younger, I used to say that the only thing better than being beautiful is being smart. And if you can have those two traits combined, then more power to you -- you're lucky. Smart people get ahead, but beautiful people get promoted, and that's just the way life is. If you think looks don't matter and play no role in office politics, in school, in your career or otherwise, then you're probably a homely person.

But what happens if you are truly beautiful and you have no brain?

One of the reasons I am attracted to cats is because they are smart. Like dogs, they are loyal, but unlike dogs, they are incredibly sneaky, manipulative and well, let's just say a cat lost in the woods would never starve to death. Cats are capable of doing the unthinkable. They can open locked doors by staring at them. They don't always use their incredible brains because they don't have to. Many times they are spoiled rotten.

My cats have us wrapped around their little paws. We are at their beck and call and do whatever is asked of us. The cats make their needs known. They are excellent communicators.

Except for Jackson, the ragdoll, who lives with us in Land Park, Sacramento. He spends hours gazing at himself in the mirror. But he doesn't have the lick of common sense given to a gopher. My friend Myrl Jeffcoat calls him a "blonde" for all that entails. I'm beginning to think she is right. His favorite thing to do right now is not drink out of the water fountain like the other cats, but to splash the water all over the ceramic floor and then knock off the top of the fountain, just for the fun of it!

Photo: Elizabeth Weintraub, Jackson the Flamepoint Ragdoll

Pia lives in Land Park, Sacramento, with her servants Adam and Elizabeth Weintraub. She also allows Pica and Jackson to live with her.

I'd like to say that I play computer games to bridge "down" time, but that would be a lie. As a Sacramento short sale agent, I don't have any free time during the week. I work my butt off from Monday to Friday, typically from 5 AM to 7 PM. Yup, I put in 14-hour days / 70-hour weeks on selling Sacramento short sales.

On Saturday, I write several articles and a handful of blogs at my second job, for which I am paid by the New York Times. Not everybody can work at this pace, but it works for me. If I want to take off Saturday, I schedule my articles and blogs for my homebuying About.com site into the work week. But I never lose focus of my primary job, which is to sell Sacramento short sales.

I take off Sundays. It doesn't mean I don't leave my phone on but I don't always answer my phone. That's because most of the calls I get on Sundays are from people who stutter, stammer, get all freaked out that a real estate agent pressed the answer button, and they can't talk and they don't know where they are, and well, they're just plain irritating, if you want to know the truth. So, I forward these calls to my team members who have the patience to deal with these guys.

Sometimes, on Sundays I play computer games. I sometimes play computer games during the week, too, to relieve stress. If you don't think selling Sacramento short sales is stressful, you would be wrong in that assumption. You can't always avoid stress, but it is possible to manage stress. Another great stress reliever is to go out into the yard and pull weeds, although not nearly as enjoyable as computer games. I will have you know that I am a master at many computer games -- Bejeweled, Plants vs. Zombies, Peggle, and Zuma.

Yesterday, I heard a crackling sound. At first, I thought it was water running in my neighbor's yard, but her sprinkler wasn't on. Then I considered it was something going on inside my can of Diet Pepsi, which was sitting on my desk. But no, it was my computer. It sounded like it was on fire. I peered inside the casing, and I could see a bright red light reflecting off the side of my Mac Pro. This was new to me. There wasn't a red light there before.

Is it hot? No, it doesn't feel hot. OMG, what if it shorts out? I ran to get my husband. Help, help, my computer is on fire!!! He peered at it. Then, he looked at my monitor. "What happens if you turn down the volume on your Peggle Nights?"

Duh. There is a fire crackling on the home menu page of Peggle Nights.

I could not decide which to post today. A video of my cats playing with a plastic strap or a new listing east of College Greens by the American River. I'm not that good of a movie maker. Or maybe my cats aren't that good of reality TV stars. So, the listing wins out. It's not even a short sale, if you can believe that. Yup, I still list and sell regular homes for sale in Sacramento.

This is a two-bedroom, two-bath condo in Glenbrook. It's off the beaten path and toward the back of this massive complex of condominiums. You'll find 507 square feet on the first floor and another 507 square feet on the second floor.

The first floor is shaped like a U, and it's open. The living room is carpeted and wraps around to the dining area and kitchen. There is a dishwasher in the kitchen and a refrigerator. Behind bi-fold doors is a laundry area, complete with washer and dryer. There is also a half bath on the first floor.

Two bedrooms and another bath are upstairs. One of the bedrooms is much larger than the other, and that larger bedroom has two closets. The trade off is it's situated at the front of the condo, whereas the smaller bedroom is toward the back, which is quieter, most likely. Although, due to its location, I doubt there is a lot of traffic up and down that sidewalk. Parking is behind the unit, 2 parking spots in the carport.

The homeowner association dues are $180 a month, and there is no loan on this property. The seller paid $163,000 in cash when he bought this condo in 2003. Today, it could use new carpet and paint, and updates. It's basically a fixer. But prices have also dropped in this area by 50%.

8907 Salmon Falls Drive, #C, Sacramento, CA 95826 is offered exclusively by Lyon Real Estate at $72,500. For more information, call your Sacramento real estate agent, Elizabeth Weintraub, at 916 233 6759. For a private showing, call Linda Swanson at 916 607 0111.

Trust me, I don't think you would find the cat video half as entertaining as I do. Three minutes of watching cats chew on a plastic strap and hiss probably is not your idea of an amusing time.

Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub

 

Air conditioning your home -- like buying frozen foods in my mother's time -- are things most people take for granted nowadays. To be without is pretty much unthinkable. You expect to find a package of frozen peas in the freezer just like you expect the AC to turn on when it gets hot. In fact, most refrigerators make ice cubes. And you don't have to defrost them.

Let me tell you, growing up in Minnesota's summer humidity, I didn't mind defrosting the refrigerator as a kid. I once punctured the freon system in a refrigerator by chipping away at the ice with a screwdriver instead of letting it melt via pans of hot water. My mother was livid. Our home AC was comprised of a small desk fan blowing over a tray of ice cubes -- the kind of tray with a metal handle you had to pull back to break up the ice. And I walked 20 miles to school barefoot in the snow.

It's been hot in Sacramento, really hot, over 100 degrees. Yesterday, as I headed out to list another Sacramento short sale, I realized that water was dripping overhead from my attic onto the back deck. There is an overflow pipe sticking out of the ceiling of my covered deck. It has never before dripped. During the time I was gone, it filled up a bucket that I had placed under it.

My husband crawled up in the hot attic to investigate. He says not to worry. There is a pan under the AC, which is doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing. And what would that be? It would be holding water and allowing it drip outside through a pipe, he says. I do not believe we should have a pan of water under our AC unit in the attic. It has never before dripped on the back deck. We have a relief valve on the other side of the house. I believe it is malfunctioning.

This is why we have a home protection plan. I renew it every year. Thank goodness for American Home Shield. Not only do I suggest to my clients that they get a home warranty, but I refer AHS to them. Because stuff goes wrong.