I have been threatening promising to answer my e-mail in public for a while now. Go take a potty break, grab a beverage and get comfy. This is going to take a while (LOL). Go away if you can't read several pages. I'm a bit overdue for this post. ;-)
Time To Quit Your Lousy Habits... For those of you who believe you don't have them, think again. You do. We all do. So Step One is get over yourself. Step Two is to get over other people influencing you to feel bad about yourself (because those tiny pin pricks of doubt and frustration usually makes you do and say things you do not want to say and do). Step Three is get over the fact that you make mistakes and move on. Forgive other people when they make mistakes (because you would want others to forgive you) and pick your battles carefully when it is time to fight. If you are writing for illustrative purposes, delete all identifiers and protect the parties involved while sticking to the truth and heart of the matter.
Above all else Do No Damage...
There will be times when you will have to fight, so stop sticking your head in the sand and fight for what is right. You can even fight for what is wrong because sometimes the wrong thing can be the right thing to do (LOL). Jeremy Blanton wrote a great post asking a simple question: "Is Being Right Always Right?" He talks about a band who graciously responded to a Copyright violation and allowed a fan to use their music on a personal video where the fan linked back to the band in iTunes. What the fan did was technically wrong but such a heartfelt, non-commercial work of admiration, thanking the fan for promoting the band's song with such a tasteful video wound up being the right thing to do and the public responded in a phenomenally wonderful way. Millions of people viewed the YouTube posts. Imagine if this had gone badly with the fan going to court and having millions of performance art violation counts to be fined for - yes, they fine you for each count - so you see where this could have went (but didn't) and why I keep telling people not to post YouTube music videos in your blog without permission from the owner. It's a very serious thing. Like the band, you have the option where you don't have to lose your mind over Copyrights or other creative issues regarding your original content but you do have to pick and choose how to protect your intellectual property inclusive of blog posts and decide when and how to fight for your rights.
While asking yourself "Is Being Right Always Right?" remember the other people involved in your decision making and remind yourself to "Do No Damage." Do no damage does not mean fail to protect yourself or your rights, but it does require you to exercise your discretion as to how far you go about balancing what you want need and desire against what others want, need and desire. I kick a$$ when I have to and turn the other cheek when I want to. You need to figure out what is important to you and act accordingly.
Step Four is start believing you can quit what you want to quit when you want to quit it. Time to quit your lousy habits and learn how to build a better blog, a better business and a better you... The cool thing about social media is that it puts you in contact with a lot of people you would not otherwise have an opportunity to know or even gain access to. Don't squander those opportunities because they are precious moments that may have long term ramifications you might not even begin to imagine. You may discover the love of your life or the friend that makes everything better with laughter no matter how messed up your life may be right now. You may even discover a friend like me who tells you it's time to quit doing something you've been doing because you are about to destroy yourself in a moment of anger and pride. The road to hell is a very curious thing. People are subconsciously attracted to it and believe all of their good intentions justify going down paths they have absolutely no business being on. Sometimes you have to unsubscribe to the way people generally think and stand by your minority opinion if that is the only way you can face yourself in the morning. I have traveled down that path many times. You may not want to go there because it can be a lonely road to travel. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and a very popular place to be. Get off of it while you can. It's a habit I have been trying to kick for a while because I have a lot of good intentions but sometimes that is not enough when you are trying to help a person. People will use your resources and jump ship when you least expect it so I have learned that I need to quit collecting needy people who have turned neediness into an art form of getting freebies. So do you... Experience will teach you when you are being manipulated and when to cut people loose. Quit thinking you can not make new friends. Quit thinking you have to stay in other people's comfort zone with your life and your blog. Look people in the eye and tell them not to do damage to you.
Yeah, it's true. Some of you need to quit all kinds of stuff (LOL). I can say this because I am a chick with a lot of issues and I've worked through things a lot of you can't even imagine going through. Ever have a bomb threat on your home? I have. Ever been held hostage, set on file, been shot at? I have. Being retired law enforcement I've gone through things you may never see or experience in your lifetime. The day I decided to retire I was three weeks from being promoted to Captain. Who leaves a $10K raise on the table to be a stay at home mom to raise learning disabled kids? I did because I decided no one was going to pay them the attention and devotion I would. Now I hang out doing real estate with you guys when I am not bouncing between two sets of therapists for six distinct types of ABA sessions while balancing my clients and customers against my family's needs.
I am not a lazy person, so when I say it's time to quit something, I mean what I say. I do a lot of things for a lot of people and I am bloody tired mediating petty squabbles we could all simply avoid by thinking twice before hitting the submit button. I have written whole posts you guys have never seen because I delete the drafts after getting crap off my chest. You may want to try that the next time you want to go off without hurting anyone. Being mean for the sake of mean pisses me off and serves no purpose. There is a difference between a blunt person and a mean person. There is also a difference between a manipulative person who wants you to do something because they can't be so bothered and a person who genuinely needs help or assistance with a project. While you are trying to figure out the difference between the two, do no damage.
Sometimes, people need to do things for themselves and stop giving you a guilt trip when you are unavailable to do it for them. I am talking directly to you, newbies, so pay close attention or you are going to waste a lot of time servicing garbage at the beginning of your careers because you think you are being professional or trying to be nice and helpful. Help the people who help you. Simple rule. Not complicated to remember. First you try, then you trust your peers. If they blow it when you try them out, smile and move on. You will discover who the right people are to network with a lot faster if you don't let the wrong people occupy your time. Be careful when you start e-mailing people as well. You have no idea what they are doing with your conversations once you send those puppies across cyberspace to someone else's inbox. If they are not really for you they can do damage if you are talking about another peer. I have had people share one joke with me and because I respond positively one time they then escalate and gradually send a bunch of inappropriate material because in their mind I opened the door for it by enjoying their joke.
One joke does not equate a presumption of friendship or presumption of knowledge of what a person is like. You can not change a first impression, so be careful how you respond on and off forum with people. Some people who you send a complaint to asking for help will send your complaint back to the very person you are talking about for brownie points. That is why I picked my Admins, Moderators and Co-founders very carefully. I trust them and back them with every resource that I have. You have to learn who you can trust and trust is something that can not be taught, it can only be learned... When you decide to spend time with people on and off line, really spend time with them. You will learn what you like and dislike about them and realize no one is perfect. It's okay to like and dislike what a person does as long as you like them more than you dislike them. Their popularity should not be a deciding factor for you, their personality should be why you want them in your life. Don't be somewhere to be seen. Be somewhere because you care about the people you are meeting and want to be where they are. Blog posts are the same as brick and mortar meetings. You are spending quality time, visiting the people that you care about.
Just because a bunch of people have a license to do something does not mean those people are all for you. Yes, I am telling you you will be taken advantage of if you do not pay attention to what is going on around you in your office and with your peers and your personal life. You can't help everyone, so don't even try. Concentrate on the people you can help and figure out when you need to cut people loose. Do it in a nice way, but do it. Your sanity and operating budget will depend upon the decisions you make or fail to make. Your ability to make money will depend upon your personal business decisions and how you influence others. That makes your blog a very important interpersonal communication vehicle you need to protect because your blog is how everyone will get to know certain aspects about your life and business. Do not for one minute believe that your life is so boring you have nothing to talk about. That is a lie. Simply talk about what interests you. People with the same interests will discover you from Googling what they want. How you keep them is up to you. Make time to blog, make time to work and make time for you... Not taking time for yourself damages your relationship between your mind, soul and body. You become out of sync with the best part of yourself and may not make good decisions. If you have enough sense to do maintenance on your car, take some time to maintain yourself.
Which leads me up to Step Five: STOP BEING PREDICTABLE AND AVAILABLE ALL THE TIME. I know most people who blog are trolling for business, but you have to understand there is a lot more to blogging than meets the eye. Do you have any idea how many times I have been itching to leave a comment on some of your blog posts and I don't because I realize there is something just not quite right about it? When serial commenters stop serial commenting, there usually is a reason. In my case, I will sit and read everything a person has ever written in the Rain if I think that person is someone I want to send an invitation to Club Chaos. I will even search out your comments on other people's posts to try and figure out who you are and why I want to hang out with you on-line. Recreational reading is how I relax. It's a quirky Paralegal trait. I have learned to stop apologizing for being quirky. You should do the same and just be you. Seriously... :-)
I may be addicted to the Rain but I am not addicted to stupidity. Purposely creating controversy when it really isn't there irks me because it gives newbies and anal retentive recreational readers like me the wrong impression. It also misleads the public if it's not how you truly feel or what you know to be true and is just a vehicle to move around in Google and rack up some comment points or a page ranking stat. Write about what interests you and readers will come...
New writers are relying upon their digital peers to help them navigate the blog waters and some of you seem to be out to sink cyber-ships simply because you can. Some of you are the same way with newbies and their careers when you give them bad advice and think nothing about it when the deal falls apart and you blame them instead of taking part of the responsibility. I know exactly what I am talking about. I've had deals crash and burn because of people in my office (who are no longer in my office) doing things that were not to the benefit of my sponsoring firm. Their leaving for greener pastures doesn't change the fact that I was denied a payday and lost contracts because people ultimately walked due to their meddling. If you think a third party misstating information about you or your Broker In Charge can't blow a deal, think again. Sad thing is you may not find out in time and hindsight can be a b*tch when you do. I've had associate brokers in other firms tell their sales agents my buyer's financing package "isn't standard" for a commercial deal, or preface it with "since I am new I don't know any better," to get the other newbie agents to listen to their bad advice. The sellers acceptance was talked to death while inspections were repeatedly delayed and the seller eventually withdrew by not signing the contract and returning the down payment my clients deposited into escrow to make their purchase.
Guess what? My buyers had a million dollar line and were buying a $689K five-family with a deli that was assessed at $1,030,000. They already owned three buildings and the husband and wife were each buying a new one to bring their holdings to five, which means I had two sales pending. Turns out the listing firm had another buyer who could only get this building if we weren't there. The lender told the seller's attorney to change the contract because my buyers could get 100% financing since there was more than 25% equity left in the building and they wanted to pull money out to fix it. The buyers sign the contract. The LB's firm discovered what it was worth. The listing firm never told the sellers how much their building was worth from day one and kept getting them to lower the price because it was not selling. We would have brought it at the original asking price if they had bothered to call me back when I first inquired about the building. I always look for property with equity to show my buyers and the original list price was in the $700K range. Told them to offer full asking as soon as I discovered they lowered the price again. (See where this is going? LBs, you need to call BBs when we ask for more information. Seriously...) LBs, you also shouldn't screw BBs over when you are trying to do something with your own prospects while we have a buyer willing to give the actual asking price. People sometimes have hidden agendas that can be impossible to document and screwing my deal of giving the seller full asking price for an undervalued property also screwed their potential deal (of trying to get the other buyer in after mine) because the owners kept their million dollar building when their attorney informed them of the appraisal information from the underwriter's conversation concerning the contract. You do realize that the underwriter will only fund the contractual price, right? We found out about the other buyer and what was going on because the newbie agent I was dealing with was being screwed by the other broker in the office who wanted the firm's prospect to get the building. Broker In Charge even had a pissing match on the phone with my Business Manager. We did a three way and I got verbally disrespected while picking my kid up from school because I defended my buyer's right to decline adding more money into escrow after the initial amount was accepted in good faith for the purchase. Picture that. BIC killed the deal. Seller listened to BIC then rival firm's reps got screwed because the seller took the building completely off the market. Bet they didn't see that one coming (LMAO).
No one gets paid. Talk about irony, eh? I'm not mad at the seller, I would have kept it too if I was a seller and my broker didn't bother to list my property at market value then pissed on my deal after I took the first accepted offer (LOL). I do not like non-co-operating brokers who mess with my buyer's interests and act as if they know more than the newbies then have the nerve to get pissed and scuttle a deal just because they can, even when we prove our paperwork is correct and their initial assessment of the lender wrong. There. I said it. Some of you suck. We knew what the building was worth when I pulled the tax and market history after printing out the listing. Duh? I may never find out why they undervalued the seller's property like that... It always makes me wonder who that other buyer was and what their relationship was to the other broker at the firm who interfered with my business deal under the guise of helping a person who was doing just fine on his own as an agent until he mentioned he was selling a mixed use property... just sayin... BTW, another broker in my office who didn't have a non-co-operating LB closed a commercial sale in 3 days. I found myself sitting at the monthly meeting thinking I should have selected a listing from the other firm for my buyer (LOL). Oh well... here's what I think and it is a crying shame that I now think this:
I am of the personal opinion that there is a handful of non-co-operating brokers who like creating dissension in the ranks of Newbie Rainers and am calling you people out because some of you have not been playing nice in the electronic sand box and/or in real life for no apparent good reason. You people really need to distinguish the difference between a rant, a rave, an opinion, an objective comment, a subjective comment, the unauthorized practice of law, libel, slander and defamation. You people also need to study up on your ethics codes because some of you have been waving vague threats around to silence others (namely newbies) when in fact they have done nothing warranting the threat of triggering a complaint from your dumb a$$. If you are not an underwriter you should not be telling sellers what deals will and wont be funded. You should simply do your job and let the pre-approvals and commitment letters fall where they may. You should also understand that there are a lot of people who have privately funded loans from commercial real estate investment trusts. As long as they are a licensed lending institution, do not mess with the newbie client's funding of choice because (a) you are not their banker, (b) you didn't hear of the mortgage broker or (c) their private lending institution. The attorney verifies what needs to be verified because the underwriter sends the list of particulars to them when they want stuff done in order to close escrow, not directly to us. The underwriter also goes directly to the attorney for the copy of the contract to fund the project, not directly to us. Again, every state is different, so don't argue with me on these wee points of order. This is a New York point of view so keep that in mind... Money is money. I thought Fair Housing Laws would make people not discriminate against where the money was coming from or does that only pertain to SSI and Section 8 Clients? Ooooo, was that a controversial question or rhetorical sarcasm??? (LOL) Hmm... think about it... But I digress... (LOL)
It is one thing to ask in a post if someone may have violated the code and another thing entirely to assume and declare they have done so when they have not. I get a lot of e-mail from people asking me all kinds of questions and routinely have to tell them I can't answer certain questions but here is someone who can. It actually totals hundreds of e-mails every single day across eight accounts from 23 websites so don't fool yourself into thinking it's Facebook updates or prolific spam. People also actually take the time to write me about their concerns about some of you based upon my flip fly comments on your posts... That does not make me anyone's advocate. My comments may be on your side of the emotional equation, but that does not mean I am actually on your side or can assist you with your private complaints. I pick and choose who to help from my friends, family and acquaintances and am not obligated to perform just because we're having a blog post conversation.
Newbies you must be very careful because you have no idea who you are talking to on your blog posts. You need to take time to get to know the Rainers you believe you like. You also need to pick up the phone and call once in a while, go meet in real life, or figure out how to spend some type of quality time with them. You want a real relationship, not a bunch of people looking to collect subscribers or associates so their numbers will improve. You actually want to know who your associates are. If you subscribe back or associate back, then make it your business to check in and visit their blogs so you can keep tabs on them and grow your contacts into friendships. The business will follow at its own pace. Don't force it. Let it flow. You'll be a lot happier if you do business based upon friendship and trust rather than eeny-meenie-miney-moe. Casual conversations are great, but they can get you into trouble if you hook up with the wrong person. Stop believing everyone is for you just because they open a free or paid account here.
You don't know who is in litigation with who and that casual conversation may cost you more than you are willing to give in the end. I am not kidding. Lots of training opportunities here in the Rain and across the industry. When we admire people, we tend to follow behind them and kinda want to do what they do. We will sign up for a class because our faves are going. We will buy a book because our fave wrote one or reviewed one. Some Rainers collect licenses, designations, certificates, diplomas and/or degrees... Nothing wrong with that, but be very careful how you market your education, experience and training. Imagine being dubbed an "expert witness" when in fact you are not (LOL). Notice how my name has no designations behind it? Some of you oldies have two lines of designations trailing your "number one" status. That is cool until it becomes useless. Think that can't happen? Yes it can, with one suspension or revocation (LMAO). BTW, there can only be one number one so do you know how that looks when it's time for your court deposition and you get banged for actually not being number one like you claim? Have you seen the questions they have to prepare to impeach people? Fascinating bit of work that is (LOL). It's a very interesting process so stick with the truth and tone down the marketing rhetoric because when disgruntled people sue over a transaction everything becomes a quest for knowledge and attorneys will assemble research teams to find out everything useful about you to color how the jury views your handling of the transaction in dispute. They may even hire your friends as experts against you. Seriously... It's a small world. The real estate industry is shrinking...
Don't claim to be an expert when you are not. I am not going down that road which is it's own special place in real estate and blogging hell and I am happier for it, believe me. I have a few idea bombs that need to be exploded regarding this subject to expand a couple of tiny little minds claiming to be experts while making newbies feel small. Consider this my attempt to nip things in the bud in a nice, generic mediating sort of way. I am asking you guys to simply quit it. Stop squabbling over who is more or less professional than someone else and stop giving advice to newbies without thinking through what you are really actually saying to them. Some of you are way too casual with your advice and I find it amazing you would post such drivel in public.
1. Don't ask. 2. Find your own drivel. 3. There is plenty available. 4. Not linking back and I do have favorites (LMAO).
BTW, I've been hanging out in the Rain long enough to know when to drop a digital bomb on an idea. I'm dropping one now because people are starting to become upset with a couple of issues. When you upset my bay-bays I get upset. I love my virtual family and will not sit idly by when my budding literary pookies come under any type of unwarranted attack. It's a flaw that I readily admit to having. I also have a b*tch switch but so far I've been very gentle with my comments here.
Since I don't want to get any more e-mail about this item I am jumping head first into the fray. Here we go: I've been lurking on several posts I have received links to where people are debating back and forth about turning other people in on ethics violations that may not actually be ethics violations. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE but this is something that needs to be said: YOU ARE HURTING YOUR FELLOW RAINERS BY BEING AN OUT OF STATE PRACTITIONER RAGING IN YOUR CONDEMNATION OF ANOTHER PRACTITIONER WHO IS DOING SOMETHING PERMISSIBLE.
I am a New Yorker subject to New York laws so I will use myself as a hypothetical to prove a point: The second paragraph of the Code of Ethics claims that it, the Code, may be higher than those mandated by law and clearly states that where there is a conflict the obligations of the law must take precedence. What this means for me as a New York agent is that Standards of Practice 3-4 IS NOT APPLICABLE IN NEW YORK STATE and Standards of Practice 16-16 IS NOT APPLICABLE IN NEW YORK STATE. Know why? My state laws make certain aspects of the code permissible. Those specific sections of the Code restrictions do not apply here. So if a hypothetical complaint surfaces where someone doesn't like that and starts blogging as if I am a crackpot for failing to adhere to this although I have done what the law requires it is a no-no. Some people might even think I was hypothetically making up a dumb excuse to hide incompetence. That type of allegation would probably flip my b-switch because I know how I am when I tell someone the truth and they treat me like shit because they think I am not right. Guess what? I don't care what you think when I tell you the truth, I care what you make others think about me when you treat me like a liar or incompetent and start leaving nasty comments across the blogosphere because you don't like being caught being wrong when I was correct or my bay-bays were correct. That would annoy anyone.
I am amazed at what appears to possibly be borderline unauthorized practice of law from some of you "experts" talking outside of your licensed purview regarding this "fact" when you condemn other New York members and encourage a writer to go after them in a formal tribunal. When you jump the gun and say turn someone in because that is your standard answer, do you realize there will be a formal investigation (which costs money) and that there will be allegations lodged against a member of service that will for ever be available under the freedom of information act? Are you sure you want some Broker In Charge (as well as the agent) who defends his or her firm against this action to decide you need to be sued for starting this nonsense because your e-mail or blog post is part of the record and the catalyst for inspiring litigation? (Big hint: go back and edit yourselves or at least add a disclaimer to your "opinions" and stay within your generic information mode.)
UPL is tricky. I will happily concede that I do not know if my peers engaged in such proscribed conduct (the unauthorized practice of law) because I am not an attorney. Your loose fingertips running across the keyboard to document your loose lips is not my issue. My issue is what you are doing to my Club Chaos newbies and oldies when you get them fighting between themselves after giving advice to inflame them. I have noticed a few instigators of late who are alarming and upsetting some of my bay-bays. I must warn you any potential attorney they decide to hire may rule on this issue on any member's behalf and write a complaint or counter accordingly. We all have the same right to defend ourselves so making people feel threatened or belittled is not a good idea while carrying on in public. That is going a wee bit too far (this from a chicka who knows how to go far pretty quickly, so that says a lot). In case you are wondering, members only is public to the members of the forum (LOL). So one insult has the potential to been seen by 155,735 members. Hmm... Insults are not the same as playful banter. Just saying...
Try expanding the hypothetical: take out my state laws and find out your own state info and then look at the advice you have been swinging around like a virtual club regarding ethics. I have girlfriends who are attorneys so I give them a dollar and nag them about everything in Club Chaos I think is a problem so I can have attorney client privilege for retaining them (or play messenger for my NY bay-bays so we can blog safe). Maybe you should find attorneys who you are friendly with to do the same thing. Stop beating people over the head with your opinions you think are facts if people can prove your version does not pertain to them and their situation. It's just not nice and it's making people not want to be here. We don't mind comparing our stuff, we do mind when you advocate us not being able to make a living if we don't do things your way. That's not helpful and a number of you have said in anger people should have their licenses pulled. That's a bit extreme and it leaves other people with the wrong impression...
Facts are relative to perception and the information available. The more information you have, the more the facts of the matter change. Your fact may indeed be someone else's lie. Don't turn newbies into liars because they were unfortunate to believe your blog post comments and repeat you to their detriment.
Lots of you Rainers don't have disclaimers. You may want to get one. I have one vetted by two attorneys. Here it is: "Any comments and contributions provided on ActiveRain.com (or other electronic or print media) does not establish an agency relationship with any third party. Blog posts are intended to be informational only. Please be advised that real estate practices vary in regions and from state to state and market to market. The information contained herein does not constitute legal advice. All parties in need of legal, accounting, tax, or real estate guidance are directed to consult with the licensed professional of their choice. Please seek specific guidance from a retained professional in the specific field(s) required to service your interests."
Newbies and oldies needing help in that regard please feel free to cut and paste my disclaimer from my profile onto your profile if you do not have a disclaimer of your own (NOT LEGAL ADVICE just permission so you are not engaging in a Copyright violation - LOL). Then feel free to make friends with the attorneys in the Rain or other places of your choice and have them help you craft a better one. Never know when you are going to need one because a comment triggers litigation. Be very careful about how you market yourselves because I always say my blog is entertainment and information with a little minion angle regarding real estate and life in general. There are people in the world who believe subscribing to you means you are advising them. That is not true but some people think this way. I have so many different categories that my blog is being indexed under other sites collecting my info (e.g. sticking me in autism, pdd-nos, photography, law, paralegal, reviews, real estate, comedy, music, etc...) on their websites. My Google Alerts has what I do being indexed in so many strange databases I find I am a happy camper that the world doesn't just see me as some agent doing real estate. However, it makes me wonder (a) what they are doing with my stuff (b) who decided I should be there and/or (c) why I merit inclusion. See where I am going with this? You have no idea what other people are doing with your social media stuff.
What do you want these people to know you for? Are you really an expert or just a practitioner with a license doing the best you can in a market that whomps chatting about all kinds of stuff. I have dodged every person who asked for my expert opinion except one. I have lots of opinions but will not render them as an expert because I understand what that means. "Expert" is an exceptional title. Don't play with that word. Speak to a court appointed expert witness if you think I am kidding.
For those of you who disdain the rest of us for being accomplished in our field without screaming we are experts, please try to forgive people like me their brief moments of stupidity because I myself periodically take my moron pills and misbehave on every level imaginable (which is why I refuse to be an expert - LMAO). I am usually pretty deliberate with my playful bouts of misbehaving but have been known to slip up a time or two when pissed the hell off. I tease, rant and rave all the time. However, I draw the line at a lot of places and wont cross past certain points because I know better (e.g. been there, done that, did it once and didn't like the end results so wont do it again, etc). It doesn't mean that I wont make a mistake just like everyone else, but it does mean that I have no fear in telling the truth and recounting incidents to the best of my recollection and belief. I habitually refer to my notes and source documents and write from a position of what I have gone through and what I know. When you mess around on-line as much as I do you start to realize some things are more important than others. I'd rather share the jokes with my friends than have to pretend I didn't like the joke because of what someone may think of me (e.g. less professional for having a quirky sense of humor or strange kids in tow at open houses - LOL). I have been through a lot, so nothing in my life is perfect and I never pretend to be anything other than what I am. Some of you are pretenders and you need to let people know something genuine about you. You get to control what you share, so think about what it is you are doing with your virtual identity.
When you go through something bad you eventually have solutions. Being in it implies you don't know what the entire problem is yet, so going through it gives you hindsight. Did I mention I have issues? I do! Seriously... (LOL) I am known for being blunt and can prove my points if I have to which is why most people leave me alone when I get going or ask me to help them when they don't know where to begin. If someone writes you and asks for help, instead of making them feel bad that they possibly selected the wrong person, graciously point them towards the right person. That is so much better than making them feel stupid because they asked you a question or admitted they don't understand something that you feel they should as a licensee. Do you know all of the laws, rules and regulations of your state? I don't. I still use the dictionary to look up words to spell (LOL). I also still forget to use spell check and miss a few punctuations (LOL).
Having a license didn't miraculously improve my memory so why act as if other people are not going to have questions, need to take notes or use reference material? Better yet: why don't you just tell the truth and say you yourself don't know or are not the licensed professional who should be handling their issue? I find that some people launch an attack because they would rather make a person look stupid than admit they feel stupid for not being able to answer the question posed (or don't know who to send them to). Most arguments start when people don't address the questions or issues at hand but turn someone else's blog post into a platform for their own agenda. (This from the chicka who often high-jacks posts for high-jinx. Doncha love irony? LOL)
It is up to each of you to decide to take legal or non-legal action when dealing with your personal and professional life. Don't be causal about destroying other people because someone pushes your button and you can't sleep at night because they made you angry. Been there. Bet you have been there too. Took me a while to calm down and realize some people you have to leave alone. We are all connected. It is a small, flat, digital world. We all have family and friends relying on us. There may be a grandmother or small child who will be devastated if you act hastily and tie up someone else's resources to squabble in court over a blog post squabble. Before you make that call to file an action in retaliation or because you have a right to, try to remember the day you yourself got upset and said something that you regretted later on. Getting a chance to do-over and start fresh is a gift. Don't destroy your blog or someone else's because a tiff turns into something uncontrollable that feeds your rage. Learn to refrain from commenting and leave certain conversations alone.
If someone keeps coming after you then you have a problem that needs to be addressed one way or another. Pick and choose your battles wisely because every battle does not need to be won. Sometimes walking away from an idiot will yield a better victory than spending money because you momentarily got your feelings hurt and everyone starts lashing out at each other in anger. Emotions are fleeting, but litigation is lasting and costly. That's why I don't lurk on political posts often and when I tell someone we are done, I leave them completely alone. Sometimes people don't believe you are finished with them and you have to spank them (LOL). Oh the things I could say here about that but wont (LMAO).
I have had people send me inappropriate e-mail because I am the co-founder of a fascinating group of bloggers. A lot of people read us and sometimes because of what is written I get contacted because Club Chaos is mine. I have been asked to mediate between writers who each claim that I am on their side because of my comments left on their blog posts. I have had members agreeing to mediation or virtual arbitration have their attorneys contact me to find out what I know about an incident. Imagine that... pause in your thoughts and imagine that.
I have also had to deny people membership in my group because they feel they have the "right" to invade my digital home because someone they are in litigation with resides under my digital domain and they think they should be posting and monitoring them from my group. Soooo not happening... You have no idea what group founders go through who actively monitor and cultivate a virtual association. We spend a lot of time trying to get people to make nice because the group dynamics are important to growing a successful set of spin offs and what we write makes us witnesses to a lot of events we may be questioned on later. People send e-mails back and forth asking for advice or demanding that something be done about what someone else is doing all the time. Be careful how you advise people. I have made comments on posts only to have people contact me and state another Rainer is going to sue them, what should I do? That always ruines my day when you guys do not get along...
Keeping e-mails can save your butt if someone says something about you that is not true. You have no idea if the public or an industry member is trolling for litigation. Newbies, you have no idea who you are talking too when people contact you on-line and state they want something so be careful. Our newbies all need help and are just as precious to me as my tenured mentors and I do not like what some of you are doing to them while they struggle to find their way in this new cyber-environment. If they have to explain why they did something and produce your e-mail or blog post as part of the answer you may find yourself someplace you never thought you'd ever be...
Most important point of this post and my last pet peeve because I am still answering my e-mail:
If you don't know which states have Standards and Practices not applicable to them based upon state statutes then you certainly should not be in the Rain making other people feel bad about doing something permissible that on the surface you don't like and claim is not allowed. I complain and talk about anything that interests me and will not sit here and say you can't do the same thing. Speaking your mind makes blogging very interesting, however, free speech is not free when it comes with a price. How you craft your post determines how people will potentially respond to you. We have to be truthful when we write. We can use all the colorful words we want, but the end result is that we have to be truthful. High-jinx and parody are the exceptions. There is a difference between fiction and non-fiction and if you go too far you will find yourself being called out by people like me who have no problem defending self and others we love from crap being dished out to harm them. If the post is public, please think twice about hitting the submission button when you decide to go down the road you pick with your writing. If the post is members only you have more leeway but you do not have a free pass. That is a fallacy.
It is not high-jinx or a parody to threaten someone with the Codes of Ethics because those violations can result in sanctions against someone's license. Even if you don't follow through, what if the state department attributes what you have written to someone while arguing on a blog post as warranting an investigation? Freudian slips happen all the time in the Rain. That's why I am highly entertained when I read every single comment on a blog post (LMAO). However, that slip of the tongue can potentially cost you. Imagine being dragged into an administrative hearing to be questioned as to what is or is not true because you have directed your response to a specific person while everyone is debating several issues on a post? If they are bringing up Twitter tweets in divorce cases and Facebook conversations in liability disputes what makes you think real estate blog arguments are immune to review and sanctions? Did you notice the new trend of government agencies joining social media platforms to monitor the platforms for intelligence? Fines produce revenue. Duh?
Time to quit letting your emotions place your blog where it shouldn't be people. Seriously... It really is a lousy habit to abuse the Code of Ethics and make newbies feel bad about what they may or may not have done simply because you think your 20 years gives you the right to insult or put down a 4 month or 22 month agent. Wanna be helpful? You can pick up the phone and chat with someone once in a while. Just sayin...
Freedom of speech is not the freedom to attack someone because they question you, your authority or disagree with your post. Some of you may want to review the AR Community Guidelines and various Codes before virtually slapping another member upside the head with a diatribe in public as if they are incompetent or an idiot when they are not. You may discover when you calm down that it is quite possible you may be out of line because you don't have all the facts straight (e.g. familiar with the other member's state laws that allows something your state does not or there is a contractual obligation to handle something a particular way). If someone asks a question because they really don't know HELP THEM don't insult them. Saying, "We do this in New York" is not the same as saying, "You have to do this." What if they didn't have to do that but needed to do something else and they only did what you told them to do? What if we all start arguing about it and it inspires a bunch of controversial blog posts in response to the points debated? See where I am going with this? If someone's need to appear more smart than a rival results in them burning themselves and harming other members, what would be the point in being here?
Always tell the truth if you are going to write a controversial blog post. Inspiring debate is not the same as causing trouble. If you can't help someone who asks for help, stay out of their comment section with your insults. You have no idea who is reading their post. You have no idea where your insults are going when people download and save blog posts or forward your e-mails. People can tell the difference between debate, playful banter, jokes and insults. Members also know the difference between a difference of opinion and an attack. Some of you need to rethink what you are doing here in the Rain because your e-mails are also being forwarded to founders when upset members complain about other people in a group doing foul things. You have no idea who a sub-group of friends really are and they may be sending your stuff to an actual relative of the person you are putting down if not the actual person you are talking about. Group members routinely bring problems to the attention of the moderators and Admins who bring it to the attention of the Founders if thing get really out of hand. When you lie to me about it when I call you, I have news for you: I already know the answers to my questions before we have our conversation. When I call people to discuss a concern I am trying to be fair by hearing both sides of the issue to help me find a way to get both sides to play nice. The digital divide is full of documentation. People who complain about posts usually send links. People who complain about e-mails usually send the offending e-mail. You need to wake up to the fact you have no idea where your comments are going in cyberspace. Founders, Admins and Moderators work very hard to keep disputes confidential because our groups each have their own reputations to maintain. You may want to think about that before you start your crap. If it goes public and gets ugly we are not going to lie for you. We will turn in all of our documentation to ActiveRain and assist AR Staff in every way possible.
I m not your Mama, you do not have to talk to or listen to me, but you will have to deal with me if you mess with my bay-bays. It's a flaw that I have. I am not the only group founder who takes moderating a group seriously. We work hard at keeping writers happy and active. We work even harder at cultivating our relationships. We will not sit idly by while you screw around with our virtual homes.
If you think 30 Club Chaos members keeping tabs on 790 writers is hard, imagine the AR staff keeping tabs on 155,735 members. I love my virtual family and blogging on this network. I do not like the arrogance of rival platforms coming over here and getting an attitude with members if we don't want your products and services. You have the right to grow your business but you do not have the right to disrupt groups to do so.
Things are changing... this place is growing... Members need to pay more attention and consider helping other people out because everyone wants to grow their business. Realtors are leaving the industry in droves and brokerage houses are closing. We need to help each other more often and stop acting mean and stupid just because we can or have attitudes about our competition. You have some of the best minds in the industry right here on ActiveRain. What are you going to do with your access? What are you going to do on your blog post? Don't squander a stellar opportunity to build something beautiful... some of us may be needing new jobs if this market tanks any further.
Are you sure you can afford to burn your bridges?
Start Thinking "Do No Damage."
All my e-mail has been answered. Blog Post Therapy Done. :-)
Disclaimer: Any comments and contributions provided on ActiveRain.com (or other electronic or print media) does not establish an agency relationship with any third party. Blog posts are intended to be informational only. Please be advised that real estate practices vary in regions and from state to state and market to market. The information contained herein does not constitute legal advice. All parties in need of legal, accounting, tax, or real estate guidance are directed to consult with the licensed professional of their choice. Please seek specific guidance from a retained professional in the specific field(s) required to service your interests. I and/or team blog writers make no claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained in or linked to this web site and its associated sites inclusive of but not limited to CarolynTannStarr.com MySpace/TannStarr 46486 NY Working Moms Examiner ActiveRain Group Club Chaos ClubChaosAgents.com CyberMinions.net CTannStarr Outside Blog CTannStarr Localism Blog TannStarr.net UberMental.com
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